Chaos and Change: Eyes of Stars' Story

Chapter Seven

It was childish to run away, she knew that. It was childish to want to sob because things didn't work out the way she wanted them to, too, and she also knew that. That didn't mean that she didn't do either of those things; no one had ever accused Yesinal of being too grown up, especially since she wasn't a grown-up yet.

She left all three of her bonds-- three bonds, enough for a comfortably full kret, but so obviously not a kret of any kind-- behind, racing away before anyone noticed she was gone. By the time Umax-- of all of them to notice, it was Umax-- saw, she was already across the meadow and heading into the hills. Eyes of Stars would find her, he knew most of her favorite hiding places. Really, Umax or Beacon could probably find her, bonded as they were, even loosely as Beacon was. But Eyes of Stars would be the one to actually come after her. He already was coming after her, she could sense it. She could feel his confusion and concern already.

Then she blocked him out, something she never thought she'd do, and dove into the nearest of the unoccupied boulder-cluster-- one not granted with an actual cave, so not something taken as a hope by some particularly feral whorling or other creature. She curled up in the shadow of cool stone, breath hiccoughing and eyes overflowing and nose running. Crying was a very messy, uncomfortable thing, and Yesinal decided that she didn't like it. Unfortunately, she also couldn't stop, because she was so miserably unhappy and disappointed that it just kind of poured out of her.

Nothing had worked out the way it was supposed to. Krets were supposed to be connected, everyone, all loving each other and supporting each other and happy to be together. Everyone's voices in everyone else's heads, unafraid to share thoughts or meals or touches. There shouldn't be fear or uncomfortableness or-- or-- people not in bond with everyone else!

It was stupid to think that Umax and Beacon would suddenly mesh into her bond with Eyes of Stars, really. Very stupid. Umax was a slow thinker, so he wouldn't jump into anything at all, especially not without Beacon's approval-- but Beacon.... Beacon would never. Beacon was only loosely bonded to her, there was no way he would share that with Eyes of Stars. Especially not now...!

But she'd somehow hoped that they would, that they'd all be happy, all connected. That they'd be a kret. And no matter how stupid she was for it, she was upset that they hadn't.

Why did Eyes of Stars weird power to change have to crop up right then-- why did Beacon have to be so irrationally terrified of it? It never hurt people, and it didn't change things all that often! Oh, it wasn't fair.... She buried her face under her paws, and her tail for good measure, and sobbed.

"Yesinal...."

She sniffled piteously and peeked out from under one paw. Eyes of Stars had found her, all right, and he stepped into the miniature quarry and folded himself carefully down next to her. Embarrassed but still desperately disappointed, she hid her face again. He opened one feathery wing over her shoulders and nuzzled her neck soothingly. "I'm sorry, Yesinal...."

"I just-- wanted-- to have a-- kret," she got out haltingly. "But now it's-- now it's-- all wrong! Nobody-- likes anybody-- else, and-- it's not right, and-- it's not like-- a kret, and-- that's not how-- it's supposed-- to be!"

"Nobody 'doesn't like' anybody," Eyes of Stars said soothingly. "We've only just met, that's not enough time to like or dislike anyone."

"But Beacon--"

"Is quite logically afraid of what I might unintentionally do to him."

"And your new little--"

"Is shy, like me. Give her some time, and I think she'll open up."

"But we're not-- we're not all-- bonded-- like-- like it should be!" When Eyes of Stars said nothing to that, she continued through her hitching breath and tears. "We're supposed-- to be a-- a group-bond-- not a bunch of-- little bonds! I wanted a kret, but-- now I'm never gonna-- get one!" She was threatening to descend into temper-tantrum-- she hadn't had one of those since she was just hatched, before she'd even met Eyes of Stars. Usually she was just too cheerful and easy-going to get that angry, that demonstrative. It was a measure of just how upset she was that she wanted to scream and cry and throw something, now. She didn't, but she sorely wanted to. Instead she turned away from Eyes of Stars and curled up more tightly to cry more. The wynd's helpless concern radiated behind her, but he couldn't make everything all right.

"If I may...."

Both of them looked up in surprise at the voice. Hivele was smiling wanly down at the two of them. Yesinal sniffed, rubbed her muzzle with a forepaw, and remembered that he'd been the last to teleport home, but he'd come to the same building they'd all used, too. He'd probably seen the whole thing. If he'd followed quickly enough, he probably even heard her outburst, too. Somewhere between ashamed, angry, and still disappointed, Yesinal scrubbed at her muzzle again, staring at the ground.

"Yesinal, you have never been in a kret," Hivele began, sitting down at the edge of the uneven ring of boulders; apparently he had heard. "So you base your image of what a kret should be on instinct, and what you have heard from me and your teachers back on the plains, yes?"

She supposed that was true, so she nodded, still not looking up at him.

"Krets are not always the same, Yesinal, nor do they always even follow the same pattern. What if I told you that one member of my kret was not bonded to me?"

She blinked at him. "But...."

Hivele smiled a bit at her. "Let me explain. Althal took a mate outside her kret, an older gentleman whose kret was older still. When he was the last, Althal adopted him into ours, as our fourth at the time. He never liked me: I was too young, too quiet, too mysterious, and so he never joined his mind with mine, though Althal wished it. I did not begrudge him; I do not think our minds would have met well and gotten along."

"But... then-- was that-- unusual?"

"It wasn't common, but it wasn't unheard, either," Hivele said, curling his tail in a shrug.

"Yesinal, do you like Umax and Beacon?" Eyes of Stars asked.

"Oh-- yes. Umax is-- he's sweet and fun and-- Beacon's smart and nice and-- I wish he wasn't afraid-- of you." The hiccoughs were getting a little better.

"And you have all three of us in your head, don't you?"

"I-- I suppose...."

"Then what does it matter if the rest of us are bonded to each other, or not?" the wynd said rationally. "We all care about you. It might not be terribly easy with Beacon wanting to keep his distance from me, but I am used to it...."

He sounded so resigned. Yesinal felt a little bad that she'd been so wrapped up in her own misery that she hadn't given much thought to how badly Eyes of Stars might feel at the rejection. She leaned over to nibble on his mane in wordless apology. "Maybe he'll-- come around...."

"Perhaps," Eyes of Stars told her, but it was the kind of "perhaps" that meant he strongly doubted it. "Come on, Yesinal, I expect they are missing you."

"And Star of Day's probably-- missing you."

Picking herself up and giving her muzzle another scrub with a forepaw-- which didn't help a whole lot, since it was kind of wet, too-- she pretended not to notice Eyes of Stars give Hivele a grateful look. She, however, butted her half-grown horns against the bigger ouvriax's shoulder. "You've gotta find your own kret one of these days."

"When the time is right," Hivele said peaceably, then started back off towards his own home, leaving Yesinal and Eyes of Stars to go back and apologize to their bonds for their disappearance-- Yesinal rather more then Eyes of Stars. At least Umax forgave her-- he'd been happily entertaining Star of Day, who seemed to like both spider-hybrids quite a bit-- and she could ignore Beacon using her own tail to get farther away from Eyes of Stars. It was a compromise, at least: he could be part of the conversation, but be a "safer" distance from the wynd.

Well... it was something, anyway.

Chapter Eight

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