"Please--"

He almost didn't recognize his own voice, as strangled and torn as it was. She almost didn't, either, but then She turned, quickly, to catch his eyes again, Her own full of fury. Terrified but desperate, he almost forgot what he was going to say, but She reminded him: "What did you say?"

"Please don't," he gasped out. "I-- you don't need to hurt them, do you? Just-- just let them leave, maybe just let them leave--"

She cut him off, striding back to drop to one knee before him, catching his face in Her terrible, wonderful hands. "You cannot have us both, my love," She whispered to him, pressing Her claws to his skin but not-- quite-- breaking it. "If you want me, then you must rid yourself of them, or I will do it for you."

"But--"

One claw dug into the flesh of his cheek, a point of pain and a reminder of what else those claws could do, and he shuddered, wanting and fearing and loving Her. "Do you want me?" She purred, pressing Her lips against his forehead. He reached helplessly for her.

"Oh, yes--"

"Then you cannot have them," She repeated, breathing into his ear, then suddenly released him again before he could touch Her, himself, and rose, giving him a view of Sentio and Akija, staring at him like they didn't know him. Maybe they didn't. He didn't even know him, anymore. "The choice is yours, my little love," he heard Her say, "Me, or them."

The choice was simple. He tried to move, tried to do as She asked, desperate for Her favor again. He couldn't. He saw their faces, their fear, their trust, and he couldn't move. A twitch, a tremor, and he had to catch himself on the arm of Her chair before he fell, remembering them both. Sentio: offering him a scroll with hope and a bit of nervousness; sleeping beside him in his nest of blankets; backing hurriedly away as he stalked him; smiling tentatively as he recovered from another possession; trying to help him puzzle out combinations of letters; trying to convince him to come home. Akija: trying to puzzle out what was so strange about her shadow not talking; mangling his name into Coffee as she asked him if he was all right; waving enthusiastically at him from the candidates; making a joke out of his accent; coming to visit him even when he hid from her; saying that she wouldn't leave without him.

I can't. I can't!

Absolutely wretched.

You're hopeless, can't even do this one thing.

So much for all that love you keep proclaiming!

Hopeless, that's what you are.

No, not hopeless. Helpless.

Shadows clustered around him, full of voices. His head fell to his trembling hands, his eyes shut painfully against his failure.

Then help me! You always say that's what you're here for!

Help you?

Is that it?

Is that what we're here for?

Really?

That's what you said, you said so, you said so, you did, please, I can't do it, you can, you've always said you could, you would, you tried to once, you keep saying you want to, you do it, I can't, you do it, help me!

His thoughts tumbling, he suddenly remembered names to place with voices. He clung to them, as if by that small recognition and awarding the supposed honor that went with a name he could convince them.

Claws and teeth, must we do everything around here?

Almadir, seething. She was always seething. She was the voice of fury, scathing and biting with her words, or his claws if she could get them.

Do you think it would get us killed? Oh, but I do wish we could get us killled.

Jova, dreamy and sad and lusting after death. That he remembered her name this time didn't even seem to register with her.

Just get it over with and get back to Her!

Flash, just plain lusting.

He is right, you know. We are here to help him, as we've told him and others more than once.

Genner, as logical and cool as ever. That shadow seemed to have no emotion at all, aside from the occasional impatience.

Not to do that, never to do that... how would that help him?

Tek, the gentlest, the kindest. He wanted to silence him, just then, but he had no voice to silence him with. He had given it away to give them their way, because he could do nothing.

You all talk too much. I know what must be done, and I will do it.

Tiger. The most dangerous of all. Surely, if anyone would help him here, it was bloodthirsty, treacherous, dangerous Tiger. He gladly gave up his body to the shadow, babbling in his thoughts in gratitude.

Thank you... thank you thank you thank you--

Tiger slipped inside, sending his awareness into passivity. All he could do was watch as he rose, slowly and deliberately, drawing the tatters of the too-small bathroom around him with a dignity he had never before possessed. He turned to Her, before Her illusory throne, standing tall, ignoring lingering pain that ached everywhere and the drip of blood from his cheek. Instead, he smiled, a slow, lazy, mocking smile, and said: "No."

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?? he screeched in his own mind, horrified, before even that was lost to him as Tiger threw him further back and the other shadows, and Rao's own scream of fury, drowned him out, drowned him into nothing, not even an observer. The sound of Akija's charge across the room was lost entirely.