Sentio left, but Cacopheny still wasn't alone. He crept back to his nest of blankets, trembling, wishing he hadn't sent Sentio away, wishing he'd sent him away faster, wishing he wasn't so alone in his haven-turned-prison. He couldn't leave, not anymore, not for very long, because She would find him.

Somehow, She knew where he was and followed him with Her shadow no matter where he went. It was difficult to leave the safety, the containment, of his own room, and torture to leave the manor, because he never knew when She would decide to speak again, distracting him, pulling him away from whatever else he'd been doing, claiming him again for a short while. He didn't know how She found him, he didn't know where She was or why She hadn't come to him or called him to Her yet, but he knew She was somewhere near, because only then could he hear Her.

It was what he'd wanted so badly, what he still wanted so badly, to hear Her voice again. It was what he'd told himself he would never have again, what he'd thought was impossible to ever have again, because surely, after so long, She didn't want him anymore....

How could I ever not want you, my love?

Her voice, Her shadow, made him shudder. She never spoke to him, not when She didn't want something. He didn't know what She wanted yet, and that frightened him. She frightened him.

You were the one who left me, disappearing from my home, from our home.

Was he even really hearing Her? Or was this some shadow, found a new way to torment him? He buried himself under blankets, shivering and trying to hold back the wail of apology and devotion that threatened to spill out, whether it really was Her or not.

Of course it's me, my pet. No one would dare impersonate me.

We wouldn't....

We couldn't....

You know that.

"But where--" he whimpered. "Not here, not there, not anywhere--"

Everywhere, my pet.

Her shadow-voice echoed around him, making the words true. There was nowhere he could go, nowhere he could hide, to escape Her. If he even really wanted to. He didn't have to even try to escape; She was waiting for him.

"No, I promised, I promised, no," he moaned, holding his head and trying to block out the voice, ignore it, anything. He'd promised Sentio, or promised himself for Sentio. He'd promised. He could never go back. "I can't. I can't go back. I promised."

Because you don't love me.

"No! I do, I do! I do love you, I--"

But you ran away from me. You left me, alone and lonely, for these long months. The better part of a year. What kind of love is that?

"I didn't mean to, I didn't want to-- I tried, I tried to stay-- I did-- you were gone, you were-- I looked for you-- I looked-- nowhere, nowhere, gone--"

Then. You. Should. Have. Waited!

In Her sudden anger, every word was like a blow, and he shuddered beneath them, wailing, "I'm sorry! Very, very, very sorry-- I thought-- I thought-- please don't be angry with me! I'm sorry! Please-- Mother, Mistress, please-- I'm sorry."

Then come. Find me, so that I will not have to be lonely any more.

"I don't know-- I don't know-- where are you?"

Everywhere.

"Nowhere."

I could tell you. But you told me no, did you not? You promised someone.

"I--" He did, and now he hated that he had. But it was a promise, even if Sentio didn't know about it. Sentio, trying so hard, being so brave, so frustrated and afraid and kind and brave. He'd promised. He could never go back. It would hurt him.

If only he was not there... then you could come back to me.

"No!" he cried, understanding Her meaning. "I can't-- I can't-- he is good to me, he is kind to me, he tries to help me, to understand, to-- to-- I can't!"

You love him more than me.

"No-- no-- never-- I like him. I love you. There is a difference, a difference, a-- a-- difference. I do love you. I love you. Please-- Mistress, I-- I do love you, more than-- more than--" His word choked off into a sob, and his claws dug into his scalp, but not even pain could shut out that shadow-voice, Her shadow-voice. It only made it louder and stronger, for She loved pain, but he couldn't let go, couldn't stop himself. Maybe his pain would be enough to turn Her favor, to make Her smile, to make Her release him.

After a very long pause, She spoke again.

If you love me so, my pet, why is there another in your mind?

Images rose unbidden, memories, red fur and black fur, gold eyes, twitching tail and cheerful smile. Akija grinning at him. Akija frowning faintly as she tried to puzzle out his speech. Akija apologizing because her shadow didn't talk. Akija making her jokes at him, putting a wing over his shoulders, sticking out her tongue at the back of some teacher's head, glaring at a dragon kit for watching him warily out of the corner of its eyes. Akija hurt when he chased her out one more time. He had no idea he had remembered her so clearly.

If you love me so, my pet, there would be no one else. If there was someone else, you would rip her from your thoughts or I would rip her from existence.

"It's not-- I'm not-- it's not like that-- I--"

You protest?

"Yes!"

Then you can get rid of her.

The image of blood, Akija's blood, on his claws. Horrified, he rejected it, threw it away from him with all the force he could muster. She laughed, a beautiful and horrible laugh, and flung it back at him again. Desperate, he tore at the blankets, the wall, himself to make it go away, to make Her go away. She did, this time, leaving him panting and shaking and bleeding in the darkness, unable to forget that threat, no matter how much he wanted to. 

And then, years later, hours later, the next instant, someone knocked on the door.