Cacopheny lay on his back on Akija's floor, staring blankly up at the dark ceiling but not really looking at it. One arm, impossibly but still true, was wrapped around Akija herself, her arm and one wing thrown across his chest, her tail curled around one of his legs, and her head pillowed on his shoulder. His fingers moved idly over her short fur, hers were curled around his side in a loose embrace, and there was a sleepy purr vibrating in her chest.

It couldn't be right-- he couldn't understand how it was right-- he couldn't quite believe it-- but it was. And he wasn't about to protest.

The shadows were mostly quiet, now-- not the all-pervading quiet of silence, but the silence of distance, a slight remove from his own awareness, of being further back in the depths of his mind. They were still, unaccountably, giving him his privacy. Just this once, he expected, but it was more than he'd really expected. All he could hear inside was Tiger's contented purring and Flash and Araski distantly bickering about something or another, that he couldn't quite make out and didn't care enough to focus on. It reassured him that they were still there, and that's all that mattered.

When he'd slipped back off the bed, a habit too strongly engrained to resist even given how long it had been-- even with the certainty that no one would make him sleep on the floor, now, because he couldn't imagine Akija pushing him off-- Akija had peered down at him in momentary confusion. Then, when he returned her glance with a small and apologetic smile, she promptly and without comment followed him down and snuggled up against him, to his great surprise and pleasure.

It was so different, having someone who wanted to linger, wanted to cuddle, afterwards. Someone who wanted him and not just what he could do for her. Someone who didn't give him a good kick if he wasn't out of bed fast enough, but who probably would have welcomed him if he'd had it in him to stay up with her, even on the narrow bed. Given how she was cuddled up next to him, now, the small space wouldn't have been a problem.

It was different, yes. But it was good.

The whole thing had been different. And good. No growls, no pain, no blood, no demands, no threats, no shadows, no love and no hate. Just pleasure, affection, comfort, and relief. Just Akija. Finally, finally Akija. It was... it was... good.

Akija was nothing like Rao. He'd expected some things-- the lack of hurting, for one-- but others he hadn't. She was quieter, calmer, and certainly more courteous-- innocent, a little, uncertain but willing to learn. Undemanding but not passive-- thankfully, since he wasn't sure he could have known what to do if she'd been passive. Not exactly eager-- she wasn't the type to want, after all-- but certainly affectionate, certainly accommodating, certainly present, immediate and real and warm. Warm, purring, smiling, happy-- happy to give and receive, not just take. Happy to give because he wanted, not because she wanted. It was like-- and the irony of the dragons' saying was certainly not lost on him-- night and day, trying to compare them.

And there was no doubt in his mind which he preferred.

Worth the wait? he heard a shadow under the bed murmur. He couldn't tell which one it was, or if it was even one of the usual ones.

"Yes," he sighed quietly. Worth anything, having this, having Akija, even waiting for years. Even being careful, being controlled, leading her through something she didn't entirely understand.

"Hmm?"

Akija, who was half-asleep with her head on his shoulder, hadn't heard the shadow and had looked up at the unexpected answer. He hugged her closer, nuzzling into her tousled hair. "Nossing."

"Kay," she answered sleepily, putting her head back down.

Does she think it was worth it?

Cacopheny frowned. She'd purred, she'd smiled. She hadn't made many of the noises or faces he associated with sex, though, so he wasn't sure if he'd done it properly, for her, but she hadn't seemed unhappy or displeased, either. She was down here with him, rather than up there without him. It hadn't seemed like--

Hadn't seemed.

You weren't in her head, how do you know she wasn't lying?

Leave him alone, Tek spoke up. Let him enjoy himself for once.

But what if it's right?

Akija doesn't lie.

Yes, she does, Tiger broke in quietly. She has.

Without meaning to... without realizing she had... but she had. And, he expected, she could again-- this time to make him happy. For whatever reason, she wanted him to be happy, like he wanted her to be happy. They both could argue over who was more to blame for hurting the other, they wanted so much for each other to be happy.

Now look what you've done, Tek sighed. Cacopheny, you don't have to doubt yourself or her.

Except now he did. With the thought in his head, now, he knew it wasn't going to go away-- which was exactly why the shadow had said it. He couldn't help it. He'd spent most of his life constantly fearful and doubting. Even if his reasons were different, now-- never before had he worried that someone was lying to him, much less worried they were lying to make him happier-- it was still so easy to fall back into the habit.

Especially since he had so much help falling back into old habits. Stupid shadows.

Better find out.

Yes, better. "Akizja...."

"Mmm?"

"Akizja... are you-- did I?"

She lifted her head again. "Didja what?" She sounded a little amused.

"Vas it-- kood?"

She put her chin back down on his chest and chuckled softly, which seemed like a good sort of response. Her eyes glowed a little in the darkness, still on his face. "Mmhmm," she answered. "S'like I thought. Just you'n'me."

And that wasn't a lie, he thought. That was real. Smiling with relief, he leaned up enough to brush her forehead with his lips. "Kood... kood."

And if you say one more word, Tek warned the other shadows, I'll-- I'll-- um....

You're not very good at threatening, Tek, Tiger laughed. You shouldn't even try.

But we'll be good.

Promise.

That was all I wanted to hear, Cacopheny assured them all silently, settling back with a happy sigh. Perhaps he'd stay here the rest of the night, too... then he wouldn't have to let Akija go.

All right, then, Tek said, mollified.

Now if you don't mind, kid, Tiger told him as Cacopheny yawned, I think I'm ready for some sleep. How about you?

Tek didn't answer, or if he did, Cacopheny missed it, because sleep was definitely where he was heading, shadows or no shadows.