Shishayair pounded on the length of metal with more force than was strictly necessary to beat it into shape. But, then, he was less calm and collected than usual, and the more agitated he was the harder he worked. It might have been more therapeutic to go out and destroy something, rather than ruining a perfectly good piece of metal which he'd had to pay for. He'd even tried it, for a while, but it had quickly grown dull, as he wasn't sharing the release of destruction with anyone.

Which was disgusting, in and of itself-- he was a cruel, heartless bipedra; he had no business wanting to share anything-- and only added to his frustrated hammering. However, it also wasn't the main trouble.

Directly after the little-- altercation-- with Proquess, Shishayair had returned to Star City. The only thought in his mind was to order that damn "queen" to stay away from his bond, or he would make her sorry. Somehow, some way, he would make her pay if she didn't keep her oh-so-white muzzle out of the affairs of his bond. At the time, he hadn't been entirely sure how-- he had since come up with plenty of ideas, of course-- but he had simply been too caught up in the pure emotion of the urge to come up with them, at the time. Even now, when he thought about it, he hit the length of metal harder, heightened the heat of it, rained sparks on the stone floor.

And he hadn't had the opportunity to convey any of those ideas, either. Speaking with-- or, perhaps more accurately to his intentions, speaking to-- the D-strain queen turned out to be much harder than he'd anticipated. And he'd not anticipated it to be easy. In the week he'd been on Star City, attempting to corner Tsiasaniess, he had seen not one speck of white xenodragon carapace-- not even his own bond's, though he knew she had come here at least once, probably twice. His usual patience was wearing far too rapidly thin. He'd tried lurking, he'd tried wandering, he'd tried waiting, he'd even tried sending messages and, three times now, approaching the ship and asking to see her. He'd been turned away each time, with less and less civility.

This last time, additionally, he'd been given the message: "If you come by here again, we will escort you from the premises, with force if necessary." Probably because, this time, he'd been both running surprisingly low on patience and furious at the obvious lies that Tsiasaniess was not on board. Of course she was on board; he had looked everywhere else for her. She just didn't want to see him. And that made him even angrier.

It was just another point of his slipping control over himself. It was not encouraging, when the mere thought of what this Tsiasaniess was doing to his bond-- distracting her, seducing her, stealing her!-- was enough to throw him into a spiral of emotion that, if he didn't find some way to nip it out or work it out, only got worse. It was-- was-- disgusting. And disappointing. That this false queen inspired such anger in him, such agitation, such jealousy.

Jealous, him! And of a female of no consequence who was-- was seducing his bond into following her. Seducing with such strange things as good works, kindness, and acceptance. Which made no sense, of course, because Proquess was perfectly capable of being violent, nasty, and vicious when the mood took her. The two of them had caused havoc on various worlds ever since he learned how to teleport.

But how much of that had been his own influence and intention, that she, timid and submissive thing that she was, had simply gone along with? Not all of it, certainly not. He could tell when she was unhappy, and she hadn't been unhappy decimating farmers' herds or tormenting stray children. Admittedly, she hadn't been much into the killing, but since he only did that now and then-- when it had an actual purpose, such as to teach her something properly or to get something for them-- he could overlook that.

But... good deeds? Kindness? She was a strong, healthy xenodragon, for hells' sakes, with a vicious temper, a powerful spitefulness, and perfectly violent urges-- not that she usually acted on them, being too shy in general, but she did have them. He'd sensed them in action, more than once-- had fostered them on more than one occasion-- had admired her capacity for them in her when he'd first chosen her. So why should good deeds, kindness, and acceptance be attractive to her? Shishayair simply didn't understand it. That couldn't be the reason. He thought he knew Proquess very well after all the years they'd been bonded, and he didn't think it was the D-strain beast's goodness that kept her coming back.

And that it was her "queenness" that kept her coming back was merely ridiculous. Species-ism, to think that all xenodragons needed that strong leadership-- ironic, of course, he personally admitted, that he called the one stereotyping while he didn't find anything wrong with the violent stereotype. Since the latter was what he wanted, he saw no reason to worry about it. Still, he thought when he was capable of thinking emotionlessly about the subject, she had admittedly said she needed a leader, during their... spat. He continued to cling to the idea that this was merely conditioning that could be broken, as he'd been carefully leading her towards breaking ever since they'd bonded. This D-strain "queen" was merely causing her to backslide. That was a good word for it: backslide. 

But even if he was wrong, even if she did need a leader, why was Shishayair not enough leader for her? He was stronger than any infant queen, and certainly more intelligent. What did this D-strain queen have that he didn't have? The only things he could think of were her species and her goodness, and "species" had never mattered between the two of them before, while "goodness" he didn't understand the attraction to. It was frustrating, and-- and angering-- and....

The metal went from simply red hot to white and melting from the heat he unintentionally focused on it, and Shishayair dropped it with a curse as his hammer caused to splatter instead of bend. Once again disgusted with himself, Shishayair forcibly cooled his temper along with the droplets of molten metal and set about collecting them, glowering at each one as he picked it up as if it were its fault he had lost control yet again.

"Father?"

And of course, now had to be the moment Kae-Ryss decided to drop by. ::What is it?:: he asked, unable to keep the irritation out of his voice.

The dark heads watched him a moment before one of them spoke again. "Are you all right?"

One head growled at her, and she looked mildly surprised. It seemed stupid to try and lie to her; it would be obvious that it was a lie, and would only lessen her respect for him further than admitting to his disquiet would. ::Not particularly. It is nothing for you to concern yourself with,:: he added, annoyed at her even asking.

"It's Proquess," Kae-Ryss said, rather than asked, and came further in.

::Didn't I say it wasn't anything to concern yourself with?:: he grumbled at her, dumping the metal droplets-- now just little pieces, since they were cooled enough to handle-- into a bucket. He'd melt them back together later and see whether the new whole could be salvageable, or if it was irrevocably flawed.

"You are my father," Kae-Ryss shrugged, "and my leader in most things. Your unhappiness matters to me." One head glared at her, but he didn't answer. She took his silence as permission to continue. "Why does this all anger you so much?"

Shishayair had never considered himself one to need someone to talk to, preferring to keep his own counsel and protect both his privacy and his image. And yet now he had someone-- his daughter, of all people-- inviting him to unburden himself on her, and to his renewed disgust, he was actually tempted to do so. ::If I knew,:: he said shortly, ::believe me, I would take pains to rectify the situation.::

Ignoring the usual heat of the forge, Kae-Ryss crouched down not far from him, arms resting on her knees and eyes on his faces impassively. "You are not angry at Proquess," she suggested.

::No,:: he admitted. That particular anger had worn itself out, and thankfully had not returned. The jealousy remained, and that niggling bit of hurt that he was not good enough for her, but he had not been particularly angry with her since the actual fight, though they hadn't seen much of each other, since he'd been so busy stalking her so-called queen. ::Does she believe that I am?::

"I don't think so, but she hasn't spoken to me. My sister is not happy." Shishayair just grunted at that; of course she wasn't. Mu-Lin was a gentle creature and hated it when people fought, or so it seemed from what cues and expressions he could pick up from her. "She told me of what Proquess sensed and said to you."

::What, that 'king' nonsense?:: Shishayair snorted dismissively. ::That D-strain has sent her backsliding even farther than I'd thought if she's still going on about that.::

"I can't imagine either of you would be happy if she were truly your equal, Father."

Very sharp, Kae-Ryss was, often to Shishayair's annoyance. ::She still deserves better than to be weak and bullied all the time.::

"And she is not," Kae-Ryss pointed out. "She would not be, either, whether or not you kept trying to raise her up beyond what she is comfortable with."

::That's just conditioning,:: Shishayair countered. ::She is perfectly capable of being stronger than she is, if she would simply let herself.::

"Perhaps she doesn't wish to be." Kae-Ryss's expression was thoughtful. "Not everyone craves notice and respect from others the way you do, Father."

Snorting again, Shishayair dismissed that. ::It's for her own good.::

"Do you love her?"

This time Shishayair didn't even snort, he just stared at her, not sure whether he ought to be laughing at the joke or not. ::I am a bipedra. I do not love. What a stupid question.::

Kae-Ryss tilted a head at him, and to his surprise he thought he caught a moment of sadness on multiple muzzles. "I thought I might as well ask. I think that might explain her attraction to the D-strain queen, you see. Tsiasaniess loves. If you do not...."

There was something remarkably insulting about that, about her words, about the way she shrugged and looked away. Shishayair wasn't entirely certain why, but he started to growl. ::Get out,:: he ordered, mindvoice sharpened dangerously.

She got up, bowing all four heads to him. "I am sorry." At his unaccepting bark, she turned and left, leaving him to seethe at her cheek, her daring-- at her prying, disrespectful, personal questioning of him and his decisions and plans. Ever since that D-strain hatching, she'd been acting strangely, and now this talk of "love".

Love. Bah. The most useless, worthless-- pointless emotion. Proquess had no need of that-- that clinging, that weakness, that smothering thing that was "love".... Certainly not from him. Certainly not....

But if Kae-Ryss was right-- well, there was no way he could compete with that, was there. He would have to think about this-- thing long, and hard, and as emotionlessly as possible. For now, things would just have to continue as they were, until he could think of a solution. He would think of something-- he had to think of something-- but... it would take time.

Damn it all.

Chapter Nineteen

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